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[beforHim]

There's a big problem with teens dating now-a-days.  The problem isn't necessarily just the act of dating, but more the way it's looked at.  Were in the Bible can we learn about stuff like dating, courting, engagment, marriage.  I'm mostly concerned with teens dating, because now-a-ways, so many people seem to have one of a few views:

- Dating is serious.  If there's a break up for whatever reason, everything has failed.
- Dating is for fun.  We just want to "borrow" other people in order to fit in, feel secure, be popular, kiss and hug, etc.
- Dating is supposed to be preperation for marriage.  Why date?  Because that person is a potential marriage partner.

I choose the third one, but it takes lots of explaining in order to really get a grasp.  But mainly, I'm wondering how could we use the Bible to help guide us on this important topic?  Does it help guide us?

What are you guy's opinions?

[RAVENOUS]

Dating is preparation for marriage to be sure, but it used to be completely different in how it worked. There's lots of examples in scripture of people not dating at all, but going straight into marriage. Usually those were directed by the almighty as he showed signs and spoke to the parties involved.

Engagement is a real issue too. Not too many people understand that Engagement = a form of marriage, and this is seen in scripture.

In the Torah (the almighty's teaching/instruction/council) He tells us that if a man rapes another man's fiance, the rapist is to be killed for "humbling his neighbor's wife". To humble is to become one flesh, another form of marriage. Note that while the woman is engaged, she is fully considered to be a wife. So fully in fact, that death is required for having sex with her. Having sex with a woman who is a virgin and not engaged does not warrant the death penalty, so there is something about the mechanism. In the NT, Joseph sought to "put away" Mary because he thought she was unfaithful. For those who just browse over that, here's an OT lesson with NT references. To "put away" is the biblical term for divorce. The NT gospels use it, OT accounts use it. People who are not in any kind of marriage relationship are not liable to be put away for they have no marriage status.

Just think about how many people in this world get engaged and then break up and get engaged again and again.

Peace

[Mikhael]

I posted this yesterday I think. Will just point you at it:
http://www.jcyouth.com/forums/index.php/topic,12098.msg239636.html#msg239636

[beforHim]

I like, RAVENOUS, what you had to say about Scripture.

Yeah, to my knowledge, the Bible NEVER mentions dating, like we know today- but it does talk about what is commonly called "courtship" in the Song of Solomon.  Get a copy of Tommy Nelson's "Song of Solomon" bible study and he explains it very well in the first few lessons.

Also, God speaks of Himself being a lover to Israel- if you're dating is just a fling, or is not "serious", or is so serious that no-matter-what you stay together and massive harm continually comes from it, you probably don't have a very knowledgable outlook of God's relationship to Israel (or the Church).  Either this, or you're choosing not to put it into practice.

[RAVENOUS]

Yeah, to my knowledge, the Bible NEVER mentions dating, like we know today- but it does talk about what is commonly called "courtship" in the Song of Solomon.  Get a copy of Tommy Nelson's "Song of Solomon" bible study and he explains it very well in the first few lessons.

Wasn't SOS about two married people? I seem to remember it was a marriage that was not one flesh yet, but the ceremony had taken place outside the scope of the writing. How does this pertain to dating?

Peace

[beforHim]

In SoS, I've heard most people say that yes, in the beginning you clearly see they are married, but then the book goes back to when  they noticed each other, courted, married, honeymoon, and beyond.

It's VERY hard to grasp the Hebrew poetical style of SoS; I don't even understand a lot of it myself, and I think Tommy Nelson might stretch some things.  But it definitely gives a few pointers about the love life in general, if nothign else:
a) Don't have sex, and/or get emotional, until you two are actually
b) Looks don't matter, wealh doesn't matter, showing yourself off doesn't matter.
c) What God really wants (and obviously, what really works for a relationship), is being virtuous, Godly, looking to Him, and not basing the courtship ff anything worldly.

Probably some other things.  I can't find Tommy Nelson's whole series on youtube.com, or on the inernet anywere (though a few snippets show up on youtube), but if you can get ahold of it and listen to at least the first few, it teaches about dating.

[RAVENOUS]

Ah I see.

I guess interpretation goes along with understanding that. Some people can get very imaginative though, for instance a few people I've spoken to think that the reference to "the taste of his fruit is sweet" is a derogatory reference to oral sex, as the man is the tree. I usually don't point people to this book for that reason, that I feel it is for much more mature minds than what seems to find it.

Peace

[beforHim]

Some more general things. . .

1 Cor- "don't be yoked with unbelievers."  Since pursuing an extended relationship with a memeber of the opposite sex can often turn into something, dating could be dangerous if you date "for fun" (whatever that means), and date nonbelievers.

Prov- "Guard the heart, for it is the welspring of the soul."  Akin to the above, since "going steady" (or whatever it's called now-a-days) can and often does get emotions high and can and often does cause one to "give themselves to the other person"- sexually, emotionally, their well being, all their thoughts, whatever ways(s)- we should be VERY careful about dating.  We don't want to go giving our hearts to anyone until we're ready and all.  (I know that's not all this verse s speaking of, but I'm trying to get generalitites in some form- I hope I'm forcing no menaing).

The Bible also says that knowledge is good.  Well, since many a marriages and dating reltionships are gone into without a person thinking about the relationship, or without thinking about relationships at all, then maybe we should push some head knowledge about the subject.

[=] No More Sorrow]

Another one to consider is Song of Solomon 2:7
"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."